I'm in emotional pain, but I don't want anyone to know about it. Sometimes I drink, smoke, or even do drugs to try to escape the pain and anger that I'm experiencing. I used to do well in school, but recently my grades have gone down the tubes and this only makes me more angry and depressed.
My family, teachers, and friends all think that it's just my fault because I'm just "not trying." This makes me feel very alone and makes me not even want to try any longer. They can't understand how hard I do try. Most of the time I feel like no one really cares about me, not my friends, not my teachers, and not even my parents. Sometimes I think about running away, maybe then I would be able to escape the pain that I'm in.
Recently, I've spent a lot of time alone. I come straight home from school, or even stay home from school, instead of hanging out with my friends like I used to. I'd much rather just be alone in my room and play video games or surf the internet instead of interacting with people. When I do interact with people, it's usually in a violent or hostile manner. I can't just talk to people anymore. Instead, I scream and yell and break things. I've often thought about killing myself just to escape all of the problems that are in my life. Other times, I've gone as far as to consider killing other people. I might as well give up now, there's no hope for my future.
I may have issues with earlier childhood experiences, such as adoption, molestation, or child abuse. I feel like I'm nothing but a failure. My parents are mad at me for not being the "ideal kid" or maybe they're just worried. I wouldn't doubt it, they should be worried.